The new me….

So the new me has decided that he needs some rules to follow/guidelines to keep on a positive forward moving path.

1. No more diets.

I know, I know, this seems crazy to hear from my own mouth but as someone who has dieted for 10+ years I am done! Does this mean I want to pig out eating all the junk food the world has to offer me? Not exactly. I am embarking on a new approach intuitive eating. It’s main components teach you to listen to your body, no food is off limits, listen to when you’re full and when you’re hungry. Weightloss is not the goal, being 110kg and 5,7 I can’t pretend I wouldn’t like some though. Not to be more fuckable or anything like that but to have a bmi that will allow me to get top surgery. The titties need to go. I have suffered so much with disordered eating that it’s second nature to starve and binge this approach should fix that.

2. I am going to set small goals.

I am the worst for setting myself up for a fall. I have decided that it would be a far richer life if I give myself small achievable targets. To get out and walk 30mins a day with the dog and do one piece of art a day whether it’s photography or drawing. I hope I can achieve this.

3. I am going to stop talking myself out of things.

I want to do art.

I want to improve my health.

I am so bad for saying “but no one makes money at this” or “I’m the guy I should be bring home more money” so problematic.

Or “I’m always going to be fat” or “I’m always going to look trans what’s the point in looking after myself”

Well I’m calling myself out on some bullshit right there so what if I’m fat that not a bad thing nor is not looking cis. I am me and I deserve to look after myself mentally and physically.

Are you looking after yourself?

Nate x

No man’s land

Morning readers,

I have been doing a lot of thinking especially about my transition.

I am 5 months on Testosterone and loving the physical effects it has had on my voice, my body fat and my face but socially I feel isolated.

There I said it. I feel in a space where I don’t fit in with cis females or cis men.

I just can’t relate. I was assigned female at birth and socialised female for 31 years.

I was oppressed in many different ways and I experienced the worst mankind has to offer.

Now I pass 70/30 and when I do the stuff guys say makes me squirm inside. Lecherous, fatphobia, misogyny its as bad as you think it could be even from the most charming of men.

So you would think OK nate just socialise with some females, well there lies the rub. I just don’t understand most of them are self loathing and desperate to get the misogynists attention.

The things I want to say out me as odd and off then eventually transgender because I just not like them.

I haven’t found a group of friends like me and I’m lonely. Im in no man’s land.

Any thoughts

Nate x